my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
