i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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