It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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