he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
