I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
