Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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