Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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