I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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