i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
