dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
