Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
