i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
