I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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