dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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