He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
