I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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