I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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