and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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