It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
