Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
