Say something about gay babies.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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