Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
