It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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