so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
