somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
