I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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