I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
