I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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