have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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