Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You smell like stripper and shame
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
