whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
