its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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