I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
