im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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