so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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