Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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