Swine flu. Run for my life!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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