Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
