Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well you can't waste a boner
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
