my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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