gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
