I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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