I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
