two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
