you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
