Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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