I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
