Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
