i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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