Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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