It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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