Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
