I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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