WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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