I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
