So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
