I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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