New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
