I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"it" just moved
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
